Day ten

Let me tell you about today May 09, 2011.

Today I want to share a rather odd fact about myself. I dream the same dream a lot. At first it was a nightmare, but over time it’s become less of a nightmare and more of a nightly occurrence. I would say I have this dream a lot, 60% of the times that I dream. Last night I dreamt this one.

I realize I’m in a room, the closest thing I have to a mental image is the shrieking shack. It’s an abandoned narrow and warped house. very small, very tiny. I am walking through the house I see the windows all broken, the dark shapes of broken furniture and broken walls. I can see my breath and feel the cold of the room as I try to realize where I am. I make my way to one of the back rooms. I open the door and see a pale blue snow globe resting on the table. I walk over to it and take a closer look at it. The objects inside the globe are not foreign and they are not still. It was like looking into a crystal ball. I could see my friends, family, and loved ones. What they were doing, how they were feeling all in a swirl of snowy flakes. I pick up the globe to examine it further. It has such a fine and delicate detail to it. The gold leaf on the side was slightly worn with age and the glass was heavy in my heads. I heard a door shut with force, startled I dropped the globe. Glass and water spread from the edge of the table to under a desk across the room. I now found myself gripping the ceiling fifteen feet in the air. My fingers dug deep into the drywall almost as if my hands themselves were talons. I can hear the faint sound of footsteps drawing nearer. I slow my breathing, in and out. The quiet of the room was only disturbed by the pounding of feet as the door swung open. A small fragile looking figure moved towards the shattered globe. As it bent down I could hear the sound of weeping as it could see the lifeless bodies of my friends and loved ones scattered across the floor.
“I’m sorry.” I managed to say in a raspy choked up voice.
The figure looked up and I could see that it was someone I knew. This time it was Kristi, there was a look of horror on her face she screamed loudly at the sight of me. Then as if I was looking at myself for the first time I could see the monster that I was. My skin was pale and my face gaunt and thin. My eyes were a brilliant blue that matched the pale grey of the globe that lay in pieces on the ground. I was bare chested and thin, each of my ribs were clearly visible. My hands were tense and sharp as I held myself against the ceiling. Muscles tight I could see my jaw extending slightly, then my mouth opened and revealed a set of bleach white fangs. My face was not in the form of sorrow as I had felt in my heart; but in rage. I watched myself drop down from the ceiling with grace. My body angled its way towards Kristi. The fear in her eyes grew as she turned and sprinted to the door; However, I was too fast I caught her with a slash to the back. Her blood was slowly soaking through her shirt. I screamed at myself to stop, but no words became audible. I finish the dream watching myself tear and peel the skin back from Kristi body, eating till I am full and content. My voice quivers as I ask myself “What are you?”
The Monster looking back at me, says in a calm voice “I am you.”

I wake up from here, sweaty, regardless how hot it is. I take a couple seconds and catch my breath. The dream is for the most part the same; however, the only things that do change are the people. The people who I see in the globe change sometimes it’s close family, sometimes it’s people I’ve just met, but it always people who am I fond of. The other thing that changes is the person who I attack. It been past girl friends, roommates, best friends, family, almost everybody I feel like. Every time I dream this dream I watch everyone I care about die at my hands. Even myself, no one else is to blame but myself. I am the monster in this dream.

I’ve tried to find out when these started, but I can’t remember the first time I had it, I don’t know what influenced it either, I have tried finding similar plots in movies, books, nothing, I don’t know why I have these reoccurring dreams or what they mean. But if I could stay awake forever, as to never have that dream again, I would.

Word count: 854